Changes Within

  

  So many things, so many changes, have been occurring in my God-given life! Its crazy! But its a good kind of crazy! I would like to share with you everything God is changing, and teaching me. 

Change number one:  I am not perfect. I don't understand why we, as humans, Christians even, strive so hard to be perfect, when in reality, we will never reach that fleshly goal of ours. I guess I should say that I, recently, have been in that "status- quo" of trying to be perfect, trying to "fit in" with the culture of New York...with society and the world. You know, people say, you have to look this way, act this way, talk this way, eat this way, have this kind of career, make this much money, have this amount of children, don't do this and don't that! I mean, its deranged in a way to think that we live in a very strict and judgemental world. I, we, are NOT perfect, nor will we ever be. This makes me think of Ecclesiastes 7:20 that says

" Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins."

  No matter what...we will never be perfect! I will never be perfect. I am going to say things that I don't mean, spill things, have impure thoughts. I'm going to yell and have bitterness to some people. I'm sure my mind is going to judge others, even though I know that I have no room to judge others. I am going to do things that I will later on regret doing. I am going to make mistakes and so much more. But the one thing that I have to hold on to, is the promise that God will never leave me or forsake me and that because of His perfection, and because of His sacrifice, I have life. *Note to self: "Malarie, you are not here for YOU but to bring glory to God. You are here for HIM and ONLY HIM." 


Change number two: I am beautiful, NOT ugly. Ever since I was a "pre-teen", I used always struggled a lot with my body image and what I looked like on the outside.  I always thought I was fat and ugly. I treated my body (the temple of God) like crap. It was almost like my body was a door mat. I would wipe all the dirt and mud all over it, and eventually all that dirt buried me into a deep depression of feeling worthless. In school, I was made fun of. I hardly had any friends and I remember sitting by myself during lunch....but recently, God has reminded me that its not about the "beauty" on the outside that counts, its what is in the inside. And honestly, if I have Christ inside of me, than I am one gorgeous woman!!!! Not to brag or anything but I am beautiful! It shouldn't matter that I am not the thinnest one around, can wear a certain size in pants or shirts, or that I can't wear a bikini in the summer, what matters is my love and heart for Christ! And because Christ lives in me, I have no flaws, and I am beautiful...in EVERY SINGLE WAY! 

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you."

Song of Solomon 4:7

  Final change: I am His BELOVED!  On my right wrist, I have BELOVED as a tattoo. I will say this, that I will never get a tattoo unless it doesn't bring glory to God, express my love for Him, or allow me to remember the things that He has taught me at a certain time in my life. When I got that tattoo in December, I was going through a hard time with my own warfare, body image, depression even, as well as the thought of having to move and transition to life here in New York, when I told myself that I didn't know anything and I even doubted that God would provide for me when I got here. But, at the  same time, He was teaching me that I was His. That He would never let me go even though I had doubts, He never ceased to continue teaching me that He loved me and He still does! He always will! Recently, God is teaching me pretty much the same thing as before, but I understand it all so much more clearly! The fact that God looks at me as perfect and blameless through His eyes, is unthinkable to me! I will never understand why God chose to make me, or die on the cross for me, but He did! He found me as valuable and worthy enough to be given life! I am His daughter. His Bride. His BELOVED. That is the best name, and honor to have in life! 

" See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is"

1 John 3:1-2