Life of a Dreamer

I dream...a lot. I am a dreamer. I don't usually dream about places or certain things, but people. I dream of people who mean the most to me in my life- mostly those who God has placed in my life; whether that be of family members, friends, fellow disciples, co-workers, church family, etc. When I dream, they are deep and very vivid. I can frequently remember a specific dream for many many days after having them, or even years. I find it weird to me, but maybe there is a reason why God has me dreaming in such a way and being able to remember them?.

Today, I was exhausted from this past week-just from all of the busyness, working, life struggles, worrying (even though its a sin), and I have to admit and confess this, this week has even been spiritually and emotionally draining, which is not okay by any means. Around 3, I decided it was time for a good "cat-nap". I walk upstairs to my room, get in my bed, and get nice and cozy underneath my five-layers of blankets. But as I am doing this, my mind is constantly going about people, and mostly one person. A very, very close friend and disciple that God has placed in my life and near and dear to my heart. My mind was "imagining a conversation" with her. For about five minutes, I tossed and turned and eventually fell asleep....and started dreaming.


This was my dream....


I am sitting at a table with the family that I currently live with, eating dinner, and a knock on the front door happens. As I walk to the door I begin to read aloud the logo on my t-shirt that said "I can't wait for that day when I can see you face to face." I open the door, and there is my best friend (we'll call her "Sara"). She is wearing a brown leather coat, a blue shirt with the purple scarf I got her from New York City, alone with dark blue jeans that had a ripped hole on her right knee. Her hair is wavy, like most days that I saw Sara. In her right hand, she was holding her brown suitcase. I looked at her and said "Sara-what are you doing here?!", as I was very excited to see her. "I came for a visit! I have to tell you something, I drove all the way here to New York to see you just so I can tell you." Sara said. "Well what is it?" I asked her. She looked at me without a smile and said "I can't tell you just yet. I need to spend time with you first." I smiled and we hugged. It was a wonderful moment, until....

A few "dream scenes' later 

Her and I were eating and sitting around a circle with a bunch of teenagers from  my church, talking. Sara pulls out a notebook and writes, I'm sorry Malarie, but I have to go. She never handed it to me but I watched her write it without her knowing I saw it. She looks over at me and says, "I have to tell you something, Mal. Please don't say anything, just let me talk. Its already hard enough to tell you and look at you at the same time." She took a deep breath and tears started to swell up her brown eyes. "I no longer live with the others. I have been here in New York for almost three months, and I had to come see you because I am leaving...*another deep breath* the reason that I am leaving is because I wasn't making enough money to financially support myself and pay for the house. I have nowhere to go, Mal, so I have decided to pack up and leave. You will never see me again after today." She stops talking. I immediately start sobbing and saying "Let me help you! You have discipled me for so long and helped me, so let me help you, Sara! I can help you find a place to live, and a place to live. Please don't go Sara!" She doesn't say anything, and I say "I will be right back. I can't take this at the moment...please don't leave." I walk away and I find myself sitting on a twin bed, sobbing. I look at the window, and I see a truck driving down the drive-way. I run outside and someone rolls down the window. Panting, I say "Is Sara with you?! Sara!!!!!" "Sara, anything you want to say?" I don't see Sara, but I hear her shout "I'm sorry Malarie! I'm sorry for having to leave you!!! I love you!!"... And the truck drives away. I drop to my knees on the graveled drive-way and I start screaming and saying "Come back! Come back Sara!!!" She didn't come back. I get up, and I wake up as I begin walking down the driveway, with my hands in my pocket and tears streaming down my face.

I woke up and my mind was racing. My heart was beating fast, what seemed like a million miles a minute, and my breath was taken away. I started crying at the remembrance of the dream that I had. It took me several minutes to convince myself that it was just a dream and that it didn't really happen. Even as I wrote about it, just now, I cried, at just the thought of the dream being reality.

What do dreams even mean? In Bible times, dreams were important and dreamers are found throughout the Scriptures..Job complained that God frightened him with dreams and nightmares. In Job 7:13-14, Job starts out talking to his friend, Eliphaz, and then begins speaking directly to God. The dreams and nightmares are shaking his faith in God. In Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar was also frightened by his unusual dream. In his dream, he saw a tree that reached to heaven and was full of fruit. There were wild animals lying in the shade of the tree and there were bird nests and birds in the branches. An angel appears in the dream and says the tree should be cut down and the fruit scattered. The messenger says the animals should be chased away and only the stump and roots should remain. Daniel knows the answer and is frightened some also. And in Genesis 28:13-19, there was Jacob who dreamt of angels going up and down a ladder just like in the song "We are climbing Jacob's ladder". Jacob had tricked his father into giving him his brother Esau's blessing and was now running away. From the top of the ladder, God spoke to him.

God gave people the ability to dream for a reason. Today, although not as big as what they were in Bible times, dreams have a meaning, or that's what I believe. I mean after all, God used dreams to speak to people, so what makes it any different than before? I have no idea what God is doing or anything, this is just my own perspective and thoughts on this part of the blog.  There has to be a reason why I can remember such vivid dreams with so much detail, and let alone, being able to remember them for a long period of time. I remember a dream from when I was three because it scared the daylights out of me! (It had Mario, from Mario Brothers in it, asking if I wanted a pizza, but c'mon- that is pretty scary to a three year old! *Don't judge!*) Obviously, this dream (the one I'm writing about, not the one from when I was 3!) made a huge impact in my mind because it was about someone who I care very much about. I dream of her a lot, along with others who I know who know her as well. Maybe its because I worry about her, even though I shouldn't worry about her because I know God will take care of her, but I care about her. That's what friends do-we care about them, and we want to make sure that everything is okay. Right?....Right. Do I need to base reality with my dreams, no. But does that still give me a reason to at least wonder if she is okay, considering what the dream was about? Honestly, I don't know the answer to that.

Dreams are scary sometimes. They make you think, they make you worry about things that shouldn't even be worried about, you cry over them, you panic, and then there are those that make you laugh and smile at the thought of them, because in my case, with those dreams, people are usually doing or saying something that I know they will never do in reality, or that I know they would do in reality because of who they are. (Those are my favorite dreams, the ones where I remember very little detail-just the funny ones)

I don't really know why I blogged about this, but this dream hit me hard, and it scared me. In a way, I am still confused and saddened by the whole thing. I am asking myself "why did she leave? where is she going? is she okay? is she hurt..sick? Is she struggling with something that she isn't telling? Why didn't she give me that note that she wrote in the dream?" And all of these other questions that I can't stop thinking about. But I am trusting that God is taking care of "Sara" and that everything is okay because its in His plan.

Thanks for reading!!!