So I Shall

I am down to less than twenty-four hours before I board a plane back to Alaska. I can't quite get my thoughts together and I have cried more this past week than I think I can handle mentally and emotionally. In less than twenty-four hours, I will be leaving my family and friends, as well as the comfort that I have been able to find in the past three weeks that I have been here in Ohio. In all honesty, I would be lying if I said that I didn't have mixed emotions about leaving tomorrow, and a huge part of me wants to just stay back and intentionally miss that plane that leaves at 11:15 a.m. How will I ever get through this?

In the three weeks that I have been here, I have spent a lot of time of "fleshly" worrying about what I am going to do. More-so of where God wants me. Alaska or Ohio...New York even came through my mind. God had me spend countless of hours praying, reading His truth, worship, more praying-everything.

During my first week here, He reminded me what my calling is in my life;all by finding two journals from back when I was in High School. In those journals, I was reminded me of the places that God has brought me through during those days. He has reminded me of the person that I once was...the dark and depressed Malarie. He showed me who I was without Him. Who I was without Jesus. In one of the journals from 2011, (I was seventeen at the time)  there were a lot of Bile study notes that I had taken, and in one of the studies, we were talking about the "Armor of God" and underneath that, I had written a bullet point of "*What is my calling in life?*" In response to that, I had written that I wanted to minister to those who were lost and without Jesus. I wanted to minister to the homeless and tell them about Jesus...a whole year and a half before I became homeless. Some people call that a coincidence, but I honestly believe and have faith that it was Christ who showed me the path that He would have me walking...four years later after I had wrote those entries. In another journal that I found, was one that my parents had given to me for Christmas in 2010. Towards the end of the journal, I was writing a prayer and I told God that no matter what His plan was for me, I was going to follow Him. No matter how "uncomfortable or scared" I would be. I told Jesus I would follow Him no matter what I went through-the "good, the bad, and the ugly." I told God that I trusted Him with my life. I was seventeen years old....I'm almost twenty-two now. And since 2011, God has had me in Georgia, Ohio, New York, back to Ohio, and Alaska, and is now taking me from small town Soldotna, Alaska, and is having me move north to Wasilla, Alaska. In every single state, I have always came to being "homeless" or not knowing where I am going to live. But every single time, He has provided for me. I have never gone without anything. Because this is where God wants me. Alaska. 

And so...I will go. No matter how scared or uncomfortable I am about going back. No matter how much my feelings and emotions wants to stay in Ohio, I will go. All because I made a promise to God to follow Him.

 As Jesus says in Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

And so I shall.