Sadly, in this world and based on the society that us so called "single" people live in, we are treated as if being single is a disease. I know there are days where I feel like it is, I mean I'm human, but then more recently there are days where I have realized that I have wasted so much time, energy and value in trying to find the one. Sometimes, my selfishness takes hold of me and I tell myself that he isn't out there. That my so called "prince charming" is non-existent. That I will live my life talking to my millions of cats, while sitting in a rocking chair on my porch in the middle of nowhere, knitting a scarf. Not the type of life that I want to live, but I have come to the conclusion that I would rather have that kind of a life, then have nothing at all. But more importantly, my value and my love are found in Jesus.
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*I feel as if I am losing my train of thought of all that I want to say, because let me tell you-I have something to say...so moving onward*
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A lot of people who I hang around, even those that I consider disciples and mentors have asked me about my "love life". Its usually the first thing they ask me when we begin a relationship. Its like people actually want to know me! *shocking!* When I tell them that I have never had a relationship with anyone, they do one of two things, almost always! They will either A) tell me that I am young and I have plenty of time -or- B) insist that they play Match Maker and help me "find" someone. People, as much as I find that...flattering...(I don't really) I just want to say this one thing. Ready for it? STOP TRYING! I do want a relationship, but then again, I don't. *gasps* But there are things that a lot of people don't know about. Things I have been trying to let go of or in all reality-forget even happen.
I will not deny that I have lost my virginity already even though I have never dated. There was a time in my life where I was looking for things in all the wrong places. Looking for; love, acceptance, wanting, care, romance, a choice of my own, in all the wrong places. I places my value in men-in people. I allowed myself to get lost in a whirlwind of selfishness and allowed vulnerability to set in it's course. I have been pregnant but resulted in a miscarriage at four months. I have been used as "one night stands" and as a "piece of meat" by men. But I allowed them to use me that way. All of which made me feel disgusted about myself. How could God still love me after what I have done? After destroying His temple? I made a promise to Him that I would remain pure until the day I got married way before I even knew what sex was and then all of a sudden, that promise was broken-over and over again.
But I have learned something through the midst of it all. I have learned that I have something to say. I have a lot to say-I have a story to tell. And this story of mine doesn't have a terrible ending. As a matter of fact, it's still being written. Not by me; oh no! But by Christ my Savior and my redeemer. The ONE who saved me and has forgiven me for all that I have done wrong. This is what I have to say-I am free! I am free in Jesus and no human or man can take that freedom from me. And same goes for you. Are you free? Or are you living in a world where you are searching for the wrong things in all the wrong places? Turn to God-it is never too late for Him to change you and for Him to make your mess into something beautiful.
That is all I have to say.
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