unknown

"Please don't say anything to anyone. This has to remain a secret."...."You're the only one that knows.".... "If you tell a soul and when I find out about it, you're dead!".... "Don't mess this up! Keep your mouth shut!".... "If you tell, it will be ugly, so its better to just stay beautiful."

These are the voices that have been playing in my mind for years and years. Through all of these years, I have kept quiet. Until now. I opened my mouth and it feels good knowing that I am not alone anymore. I have the people that I love in my life back...well most of them anyway. All because I finally told the truth...this whole time, this one thing, has held the key. A key to a new beginning and the key to healing.

I have years of hurt and emotional turmoil that is going on in my mind. So many questions. "Why?"..."What is going to happen when he finds out?"...."This is all my fault, if only I did this a certain way then it wouldn't have happened."... I don't know how to live my life without holding onto this. It feels so weird that someone knows my secret. I am not normal because of this one secret.

DAMN.

This secret that has remained unknown for so long has caused brokenness, hurt, despair, tears, hate, anger, everything. "Malarie, its all your fault!" "Stop it! It is not! I did nothing wrong!" "Yes you did! Just think, if you would have told them sooner, none of this would have happened!" "Leave me alone! I don't need you reminding me of what I did wrong! I know its my fault, even though people are telling me I didn't do anything. I want to believe them. But I know I did something wrong. I didn't listen."...I didn't listen. If only I listened.

I am entering into yet another world that has "UNKNOWN" written all over it. Here I go...deeper and deeper I will walk.

                            DAMN.....

 

I'M SCARED TO KNOW THE END RESULTS.

 

DAMN.