Walk in My Shoes

This post is probably going to be all over the place, as I am unsure of how to gather my thoughts, but please know that what I have to say, means a lot to me in my heart and is, in some ways, a sensitive topic for me to discuss, but the awareness must be raised. I want people to understand.

So here is the truth, which I have stated in my last post....

I live in a homeless shelter. 

Now that the truth is out, let me tell you something...

I am not homeless. 

I have a home. I have a bed, food, daily showers, laundry, shelter, and clothes on my back. I have been blessed with an amazing man who, along with myself, is growing closer to Christ each and every day. I have friends and am forming a sisterhood with the women here at the shelter.

When I first arrived at the Eugene Mission, I was scared and intimidated. I mean, after all, I did not come to Oregon all the way from Alaska, to live in another shelter. I mean, c'mon...I just didn't. Wasn't even in my plans. The reason I came to Oregon was to further my relationship with my boyfriend and get out of the long distance relationship. It is nobody's fault, not even mine, that I am here in this place. This is all God. And yes, at first, I was mad, angry, and very disheartened. I blamed everyone I possibly could, except myself. But seriously-it's nobody's fault that I'm here in this situation. It just happened this way.

Throughout this past week, the whole effect of "culture shock" has taken place. I have seen so many TRUE homeless people. Homeless people who are worse off than us at the shelter. I have seen (more than once in my life) the effects of true and genuine homelessness in the hands of dirty, calloused and blistered hands and feet. Grocery carts full of anything tangible or worth some kind of value. People going through every single trash can on the streets. I have seen torn clothes and toes poking through the holes of what use to be white socks, but now is covered in the traces of the paved streets and sidewalks. Here's a statement for you: try walking in their shoes.  This week, I have been given the opportunities to ride the city buses for both my own leisure and also for job hunting and school, and every single time, I have seen the tired eyes and body of a homeless war Vet. A MAN who had fought for our country, defending our flag while placing his life in harms way, and yet had came home to literally nothing. Literally nothing.

A homeless man who sat outside of the organic store, asking for food. He cried when I have him an apple. 

These look like just a pile of bags. But it's not. This is somebody's home. This is what they have to come back to. Carry with them. 

I know this woman personally. She is the most kindest woman I have ever met. And yet...she has nobody. 

I totaled how many months God has allowed me to be on this journey. 38 months. I have been "unstable" by society terms for 38 months. Given, God has blessed me with all of my basic needs, and have met some pretty amazing people along the way. But this...these people...are hurting. They are broken. 

Many people believe that homeless people are all a bunch of druggies and using junkies. But that's not the case at all. I once knew a man who was a previous lawyer. Never touched drugs or alcohol in his life. He was married and had two daughters about my age at the time, nice home and car, money in the bank... everything that was "perfect" according to the world. Then his wife and his daughters were hit head on by a drunk driver while driving across a bridge, and went over the guard rail and into the river. All three of them died. Two months later, he lost his job due to not being able to function in the court due to emotional stress and turmoil, and because of such events, lost his home and his vehicle. Lost everything. And because of it, society says he (and everyone else who has nothing) is nothing.

Here's another statement for you and think about this...

It could be you tomorrow.

We are all human beings. We have all been created by Christ for a purpose. So please, please...the next time you see a homeless person on the street, picture yourself in their shoes. Picture yourself on the side of the highway, praying someone would give you a dollar. Picture yourself standing outside of the store, crying when someone hands you an apple. Because seriously...

It could be you.

Dear Readers,

  It has been quite some time since I have written a blog post, and it is simply because life has been hectic. I am merely human, and sometimes I feel like I can't even juggle it all. My mind is racing with all of these ideas, fantasies, dreams and visions, that every now and then, can make me feel less like Super Woman and more like a dreamer. People think I'm crazy by the way I live...moving here and there, travelling to this place, meeting and hanging out with "those people" (ya know, the people that aren't so-called normal in societal standards) and never having a place of my own. Honestly, there are times where I want to just punch those people in the throat (okay, maybe not that violent...I don't fly that way) and just tell them to keep their opinions to themselves, because quite frankly, I am happy where God has me. To me-I am stable. 

So much has happened within the past month or so since I have wrote last. I guess I should start out by saying that I no longer live in Alaska. (That was totally unexpected and a shocking reality) In the beginning of April, after only being back in Alaska for two weeks once I returned from visiting my family in Ohio, I moved to Oregon to further my relationship with my boyfriend, Matthew. So...ya, that happened, and in the middle of that, I think I forgot how to breathe. I lived with him, his dad, and his grandma for a month, and due to some personal and family things on Matt's side, his grandma made me move into a woman's shelter here in Eugene, Oregon. (Shocker!) Trust me, just because I live in a homeless shelter, does NOT make me homeless. I am not homeless. Its just a temporary fix until Matthew and I can get our own place.

 Since living in the shelter, God has placed so many women in my life to minister and grow closer in Christ with. We (the women in the shelter) all have different stories and background. Some have past abuse trauma, and personal afflictions that only God can heal. Being in this environment has allowed me the opportunity to kind of "kick butt" like a ninja turtle princess, and strive to succeed in placing stepping stones. This is not my first go-around with this type of living style, and being able to cope with such a dramatic and heavy-burdened change, has become easy for me to adapt too. Its just another season that I am going through, and through the women and what Christ is teaching me...I am there for a reason. I am there to heal and maintain a healthy mind set. I have been staying here at the mission for almost a week, and in that week, God has been in quick movement. He has opened doors for a job interview, applied for college AND got accepted! (I start next month for Graphic Arts and Design). I am not scared or worried, A little impatient at times, but I know that I am here for a reason. Everything is going to be okay! 

So, I apologize if this is not the report that you were wanting to read, but know that I appreciate all prayers and support as possible! God has me right where He wants me and I don't have to be afraid. Nor am I...I actually love my life. It's tough sometimes, but it makes living even more exciting! Hope and pray that all is well with all of you lovely people! Will write again soon! 

Blessings! 

Malarie