Tis the Season...In Amish Country

 If you are friends with me on Facebook, then you have probably seen my exciting post about starting a new job right here in Amish Country! Starting July 1st, 2013, I will be working at Schrock's Amish Farm in Berlin, in a Christmas store called, Tis the Season. I am so excited to start this new chapter in my life and walk with Christ!
 
  I mean, think about it! What an amazing opportunity it will be to work and serve the Amish/Mennonite community to show them Jesus' love for them! What's funny is, just a few days ago, I was starting to regret moving back to Ohio from New York. After all, I already miss my friends from NY, my church family at Northgate Free Methodist, the discipleship, community, and just the environment of Batavia itself; but for some reason, I knew that God placed me back here in small Amish country for a reason. Maybe it is to slowly start mending a relationship with my family, or to get myself back on my feet, or maybe its for someone else. God will and is going to use me wherever I'm at. He finds me where I'm at in life, and well here I am! Back in little ol Baltic, Ohio!

  I ask for prayer as I began another chapter with Christ, my King. I ask that you keep me in your prayers for wisdom and guidance as He starts working through my family. Allow His words be my words and please pray that I will be a light for His kingdom and not for my own fleshly selfishness. I thank you all for reading and I can't wait to see what God has in store! Take care and God Bless!

Sound of Music

 Here is a small little thing about me: I love music; I love everything about it!  I love the melody of the strumming of a guitar and the calming sound of a piano. Music says so much and honestly, I believe it speaks louder than words. It expresses something inside of us that we can't express with our own words...almost reminds me of the Glee characters, they sing about their problems. 

 Music is much more than just expressing how I feel, but music is also how I communicate with God. Some people communicate through praying or reading their Bible, but me-I sing. I give glory to God and I communicate with God through the sound of music. I sing to give Him praise. I hum to give Him praise. I play a guitar to give Him praise. Music is the way that I communicate to my God and King. 

Sing! Sing! Sing!

 And make music with the Heavens! 

We will shout your praise and lift high your name...

King Jesus! 

unknown

"Please don't say anything to anyone. This has to remain a secret."...."You're the only one that knows.".... "If you tell a soul and when I find out about it, you're dead!".... "Don't mess this up! Keep your mouth shut!".... "If you tell, it will be ugly, so its better to just stay beautiful."

These are the voices that have been playing in my mind for years and years. Through all of these years, I have kept quiet. Until now. I opened my mouth and it feels good knowing that I am not alone anymore. I have the people that I love in my life back...well most of them anyway. All because I finally told the truth...this whole time, this one thing, has held the key. A key to a new beginning and the key to healing.

I have years of hurt and emotional turmoil that is going on in my mind. So many questions. "Why?"..."What is going to happen when he finds out?"...."This is all my fault, if only I did this a certain way then it wouldn't have happened."... I don't know how to live my life without holding onto this. It feels so weird that someone knows my secret. I am not normal because of this one secret.

DAMN.

This secret that has remained unknown for so long has caused brokenness, hurt, despair, tears, hate, anger, everything. "Malarie, its all your fault!" "Stop it! It is not! I did nothing wrong!" "Yes you did! Just think, if you would have told them sooner, none of this would have happened!" "Leave me alone! I don't need you reminding me of what I did wrong! I know its my fault, even though people are telling me I didn't do anything. I want to believe them. But I know I did something wrong. I didn't listen."...I didn't listen. If only I listened.

I am entering into yet another world that has "UNKNOWN" written all over it. Here I go...deeper and deeper I will walk.

                            DAMN.....

 

I'M SCARED TO KNOW THE END RESULTS.

 

DAMN.

Change for the Better.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

 Well...here I am. Sitting in a coffee shop with my friends here in Wetern New York and I am about to write about all of the changes that God is doing in my life. As I think through all of these changes, I have no idea where to start! Maybe that's a good thing... I guess we shall find out!


THE FIRST CHANGE happened about three weeks ago when I lost my job at Coffee Culture. As much time I have spent on trying to understand on why it happened or even how it happened, I can't. There is nothing inside of me that can comprehend why I lost my job, but I am looking at this as a blessing from God. Yes, being an associate at Coffee Culture (a.k.a CC) has had its ups and downs, but God has blessed me in so many ways that I will never in my life forget! I met the people who I consider my friends and my sisters. Such as my two sisters (in Christ) and best friends, Kelsey and Maria. God has allowed all three of us to grow and walk together in discipleship and in Christian unity. Working at CC has taught me the importance of community. Not just a community where there are people, or a great environment, but most importantly, a community where you can be yourself and talk about Christ without being worried on what others think. God has blessed me in many ways through Coffee Culture, much more than what I can even write about. I have met new friends through conversations among customers. I have seen the variety of different personalities of customers and my fellow employees through the frame of morning and evening, opening and closing shift.  It was incredible! But...in the midst of it all-God was there! I loved working at Coffee Culture, and I am sad to see it end but I am also happy to enter into a new chapter and season of my walk with Christ in wherever He leads me job wise.

 THE SECOND CHANGE happened yesterday! I received a text message from the family that I first lived with when I moved here to New York. The mom told me that I had a letter from Camp Buckeye that came in the mail. Now, let me remind you that I have been praying for this specific letter for the past three months, but also ever since I was fifteen when I first applied to serve at Camp. As I am driving to their house, my heart was racing, anticipating the anxiousness. The thought of whether or not I got the position...being told yes or no, made me all the more anxious and nervous (in a good way). I prayed the whole way there and when I got there and opened the letter...there it was! The medical forms, the background papers, what to bring and what not to bring list...all of which is only given if you are given the job or a camper! So...with all of that...I will be serving my King and the camp from June 22-June 28th. I am so happy to show others the love of Jesus and to be a disciple!

 SO WITH THE SECOND CHANGE comes the third change. OHIO! HERE I COME! That's right! I am moving back home! I have no idea where I will be living, but I am putting everything into God's hands and I trust and believe that I will be okay. He has never left me or forsaken me and I know He never will! As much as I love being in New York, God has given me peace with going back home and that is all that matters. When He calls us to go, we go. He is calling and I am going. I am so happy! There is no fear and no doubt and I love it! For the past three months, I have been praying that God would open doors for me to move back to Ohio somehow but I was leaving that all to Him and in His timing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to pray without ceasing and that is exactly what I did! God is so good! He answered my prayer!
   Being here in New York, God has taught me so much! He has taught me how to love others more than myself, but place Christ first in everything. He has taught me the meaning of discipleship, community, and friendship. God has strengthened my heart for integrity to live for Him, have a heart of obedience, honesty, and loyalty. Discipline has been a huge thing in my daily lessons from God. I am not going to deny that I have growth to do, because I do! We all do! But I can say, that I am willing to do whatever it possibly takes to follow Christ every single day from here on out, for all the days of my life! I am a daughter of a high king, and I must do my duties of a follower of Him. I am beyond blessed to have had this opportunity to live in Western New York because I have met so many brothers and sisters in Christ, God has become my everything, and my faith is growing every single day!

 My prayer is that when I move back to Ohio, God will use me to bring glory to His name and to His kingdom. That I will not live for myself but for Him and only Him. I pray that my heart will be steadfast and consistent in His Word and His truth to disciple to others as Christ works through me. I believe now, that I am here for a reason, and that reason is for God and no other! I ask that you continue to pray for me, and my family as we begin the journey to mending our relationship. Please pray for strength and endurance as we come together as one to run the race. I do not know where my family stands with their relationship with Christ, but I ask that you pray for salvation, guidance, wisdom, peace and comfort as we all move forward. Also, please pray that God will bless me in the ministry that He is calling me to, whatever that looks like. Everything that I do, and everywhere that He places me, that is my ministry...His ministry, and I ask for prayer that God guides me on His path and can continue to disciple me through His word and others around me. Thank you!!!

God Bless and my God-given Ohio family...I will see you soon!!!